quelqu’un m’a dit

"Il vous aime, c'est secret, lui dites pas que je vous l'ai dit"

- Carla Bruni

live through this and you won't look back

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

- Stars
[your ex-lover is dead]

on love

words crafted most beautifully by jonathan safran-foer;

"I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else."

"If there is no love in the world, we will make a new world, and we will give it walls, and we will furnish it with soft, red interiors, from the inside out, and give it a knocker that resonates like a diamond falling to a jeweller's felt so that we should never hear it. Love me, because love doesn't exist, and I have tried everything that does."

"She wants to know if I love her, that's all anyone wants from anyone else, not love itself but the knowledge that love is there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hall closet."

you walk that way, i'll walk this way

i like it most when it's the littlest things are the most beautiful, even when there are bigger more conventionally beautiful things around. like walking in the same footprints. and stuff.

a song for the day

real love

i met you somewhere
in a hell beneath the stairs
there's someone in that room
that frightens you when they go boom

the color you say is black
is the one you might lack
in the size of your eyes,
is there a righteous prize?

i met you

there's something wrong with our hearts
when they beat pure they stand apart
in the black room, the light, watch the seabird fall
real love, it finds you somewhere with your back to it

i met you

you know, you know, we belong
by the stream, to the dawn

- Beach House

today is a sad day

melange, it aches

do you feel easily?

someone asked me if i felt easily and my immediate response was to brush the question off and to answer in anything but the affirmative. because for some reason, there is a perception that feelings are weak. or at least, showing them is. and i thought i didn't think much about this whole topic until i couldn't get to sleep until i'd put it into words. do i feel easily? absolutely and completely, yes. it is one of my most prominent and defining characteristics. i feel easily, and deeply. i have a heavy heart, i have always known this about myself. but it is so because i'm so full of feelings. feelings that suffocate me. i feel sadness that is mine, but i also feel sadness that isn't mine, sadness that belongs to all the world, and i feel it so strongly that i am completely and utterly debilitated by it. i remember my mother holding me for hours when i was much younger while i sobbed so severely at the injustice of the rwandan genocide that it made me physically ill, and she told me that while right then the pain was rendering me useless, my ability to feel it would one day (when i had learned to control it to an extent) be my biggest strength. i know she is wise, but i'm not sure she's right on that one. not yet, any way. because i still feel that my feelings are far too apparent, and far too severe, and that's why i've been so inclined to so much hurt. i know that the upshot of this is the ability i have to feel the beautiful, wonderful and truly happy things in life in a way that i know some people can't. but sometimes even that is felt so deeply i'm incapacitated by it too. so where does that leave me? it leaves me exhausted and useless, whether i'm happy or sad. it leaves me heartbroken by so much, even by beauty. and it leaves me seeming weak. and as soon as i seem weak to myself, i feel weak. and that's not a good place to be when you're trying to protect yourself, and all the world too.

i feel too easily, and too much. but i'm trying not to.

""I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me.""

Jonathan Safran-Foer

see, my melange - it's for me and you

"And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, for that pleasure. And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy"

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

blessing

Beannacht

On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.

And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets in to you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green,
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.

- John O'Donohue