Spring!

to the people who used to know me

to the people who i used to inspire. to the people who used to look at me and think; “this crazy girl says she’s going to save the world, and i think she might just be right”. to the people who are wondering where the twinkle they used to see has gone. to the people who used to feel so impressed at all my involvement that it made them want to be involved too. to the people who laughed at what a tree-hugging hippie they thought i was. to the people who said “i want to know you in 10 years time”. to the people who used to be jealous of my direction, and determination to get there. to the people who thought i was different, and not just another typical university student, living a typically selfish and indulged university life. to the people who thought that it was cool that i wasn't trying to find myself, because i seemed to know exactly who i was. to the people who saw my potential, and weren’t worried about whether i’d see it too. to the people who said; “you are something special. and i’m glad you’re around. because you have a purpose, and you’re going to make the world a better place, you know you can.”

don’t give up on me. please.

i’m trying to get back to being that person again.

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

a winter melody she plays

beautiful music, grey rainy day and mood, messy head, too much meaning too little understanding, too much should do can't do want to do,
can't breathe.

"Her life was a slow realization that the world was not for her, and that for whatever reason, she would never be happy and honest at the same time. She felt as if she were brimming, always producing and hoarding more love inside her. But there was no release. table, ivory elephant charm, rainbow, onion, hairdo, violence, melodrama, honey…None of it moved her. She addressed the world honestly, searching for something deserving of the volumes of love she knew she had within her, but to each she would have to say, I don’t love you."

- Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

song for the end of every day last week [please not this one too]

Great Escape

Bad day, looking for a way home
Looking for the great escape.
Gets in his car and drives away
Far from all the things that we are
Puts on a smile and breathes it in and breathes it out
He says bye-bye, bye to all of the noise
Oh he says bye-bye bye to all of the noise

Hey child, things are looking down,
That's okay you don't need to win anyways.
Don't be afraid just eat up all the grey
and it will fade away
Don't let yourself fall down

Bad day, looking for the great escape
He says bad day, looking for the great escape
On a bad day, looking for the great escape
Great escape

- Patrick Watson

the 17th of august

to the two most important women ever to have graced my life;

happy birthday.



i could not have asked for more courageous, inspirational, strong and beautiful women to lead me into this life. i only hope i can be someone near as incredible as the two of you are, and have told me i can be.

i love you.

quelqu’un m’a dit

"Il vous aime, c'est secret, lui dites pas que je vous l'ai dit"

- Carla Bruni

live through this and you won't look back

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

- Stars
[your ex-lover is dead]

on love

words crafted most beautifully by jonathan safran-foer;

"I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else."

"If there is no love in the world, we will make a new world, and we will give it walls, and we will furnish it with soft, red interiors, from the inside out, and give it a knocker that resonates like a diamond falling to a jeweller's felt so that we should never hear it. Love me, because love doesn't exist, and I have tried everything that does."

"She wants to know if I love her, that's all anyone wants from anyone else, not love itself but the knowledge that love is there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hall closet."

you walk that way, i'll walk this way

i like it most when it's the littlest things are the most beautiful, even when there are bigger more conventionally beautiful things around. like walking in the same footprints. and stuff.

a song for the day

real love

i met you somewhere
in a hell beneath the stairs
there's someone in that room
that frightens you when they go boom

the color you say is black
is the one you might lack
in the size of your eyes,
is there a righteous prize?

i met you

there's something wrong with our hearts
when they beat pure they stand apart
in the black room, the light, watch the seabird fall
real love, it finds you somewhere with your back to it

i met you

you know, you know, we belong
by the stream, to the dawn

- Beach House

today is a sad day

melange, it aches

do you feel easily?

someone asked me if i felt easily and my immediate response was to brush the question off and to answer in anything but the affirmative. because for some reason, there is a perception that feelings are weak. or at least, showing them is. and i thought i didn't think much about this whole topic until i couldn't get to sleep until i'd put it into words. do i feel easily? absolutely and completely, yes. it is one of my most prominent and defining characteristics. i feel easily, and deeply. i have a heavy heart, i have always known this about myself. but it is so because i'm so full of feelings. feelings that suffocate me. i feel sadness that is mine, but i also feel sadness that isn't mine, sadness that belongs to all the world, and i feel it so strongly that i am completely and utterly debilitated by it. i remember my mother holding me for hours when i was much younger while i sobbed so severely at the injustice of the rwandan genocide that it made me physically ill, and she told me that while right then the pain was rendering me useless, my ability to feel it would one day (when i had learned to control it to an extent) be my biggest strength. i know she is wise, but i'm not sure she's right on that one. not yet, any way. because i still feel that my feelings are far too apparent, and far too severe, and that's why i've been so inclined to so much hurt. i know that the upshot of this is the ability i have to feel the beautiful, wonderful and truly happy things in life in a way that i know some people can't. but sometimes even that is felt so deeply i'm incapacitated by it too. so where does that leave me? it leaves me exhausted and useless, whether i'm happy or sad. it leaves me heartbroken by so much, even by beauty. and it leaves me seeming weak. and as soon as i seem weak to myself, i feel weak. and that's not a good place to be when you're trying to protect yourself, and all the world too.

i feel too easily, and too much. but i'm trying not to.

""I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me.""

Jonathan Safran-Foer

see, my melange - it's for me and you

"And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, for that pleasure. And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy"

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery